Eurovision Commentary - "If you're offended by two girls kissing... you need to grow up." NowonderweneverwinLAD

To the FinnishLAD whose 8/10 Eurovision contestant missus wrote her song 'Marry Me' as a hint for him to propose. He still hasn't. wontberushedLAD.

Accomplished the impossible last night, found a girl that I know strumming herself to ecstasy on a cam site. Going to be hard to keep a straight face on the next time I see her! lifegoalLAD

Jonny Wilkinson adding Heineken Cup winner to his already brilliant career. HedoeswhathewantsLAD.

Congratulations to Bradford City who have had an amazing season. When they lost the league cup final they were 12 points behind the Play off places and now they just got promoted to League One. BradfordCityLADS

Don't you fucking hate wanking when you can hear another family member walking around the hallway outside dontcomeinLAD

Was having a nice wank to some kinky porn earlier and all of a sudden i got the answer in my head to a maths problem i have been trying to figure out all day, i wrote it down before finishing up wankingcuresallLAD

Just had kayden kross follow me on twitter.. GotmyfootinthedoorLAD

Keith Chegwin on twitter 'How lovely - I'm being followed by @jessicaalba - I'm a happy Chegwin' absolutely brilliant chegwinLAD

Pushing my wheelchair-bound grandLAD back from the footy and an 8/10 lass walked past us in the opposite direction. GrandLAD made us stop and turn him right around so he could clock her 9/10 arse as she walked away. LAD

Last night was a big night for me as I got to finally use the wall straps (fiftyshadesLAD) while the girlfriend sucked me off. Basically you drill these wall straps onto the wall and then whack your hands so they're tied and away you go. Well, I was enjoying myself so much I leant forward ever so lightly and in the process broke the straps, almost breaking my girlfriends neck and taking a shit load of plaster off the wall. ProbablytimetohitthegymLAD

Eurovision is the best night of the year. EurovisionLAD.

Just found out that these two are both Londoners, so imagine what could have been with an England front line of Ade Akinfenwa and Ade Akinbiyi, both in their prime... wouldhavehadthe2006worldcupsewnupLAD, materazziwouldnthavechattedshitothemLAD

Found a keeper last night , after giving me a blowjob and swallowing my load she then proceeded to squeeze my willy like a frube and get the last drop out finishyourfoodLAD

Was out last weekend with the LADs and it saw the birth of a new WingLADding technique. One of the boys was cracking on with a girl (5/10) but her friends kept trying to pull her away. Queue a LAD in our group (big fella who rarely pulls) jumping in between our mate and her friends and holding out his arms á la Saracen from GLADiators and successfully preventing their cock blocking attempts. BeefBlockLAD

Is it weird that I am put off a girl i'm close to because she has the same surname as me? curiousLAD

Any other LADs hate it when pornstars scream like they're getting their legs cut off. Tone it down a bit LADies trytohaveawankhereLAD

I always wonder why porn video are made any longer than 5 minutes. Takes me about 30 seconds from start to finish. PrematureLAD

Today is World Whiskey Day, invented last year by a student from Aberdeen. He said the only continent not to celebrate the event last year was Antarctica. EveryoneloveswhiskeyLAD

Turns out that if a girl friend zones you, it's not appropriate to shag her best friend who is up for it. whoknewLAD.