Just got a phonecall from my mates who are in Munich for Oktoberfest - my mate (clearly smashed) starts the conversation by saying "oh I didn't catch you at work did I? Oh right no..." (I've been unemployed 6 months - hence why I cant afford Oktoberfest - GoodBanterLADs) it's 5pm and he tells me they have been drinking since 10am and they are 12 pints down (yes LADS!) he then tells me a story about a portaloo they couldn't open. Needing a shit, he tries to get the door open, only to realise a mullered bloke has fallen asleep mid-shit with his head against the door, blocking it. Eventually security get involved - erecting DO NOT ENTER signs, they eventually get the bloke out who turns out to be a Scottish bloke in a kilt - said Scotsman tells them he has a 14inch cock. He then gets it out - proving his freakish manhood. He then says his goodbyes as he's about to get on a ride with some Canadians... JealousOftheOktoberfestLADsButGreatBanterLADs

had a sit down wank in the shower (singleLAD), came so hard i couldnt stand up for 5 minutes. cumbazookaLAD

In town with the LADs after the races in this club when these 2 stunners (9/10 8/10) come over put there arms around me and say there comin with me. Then one whispers she had no knickers on and duly shows me that she hasnt and asks if I wanted a feel, after duly obliging she announces that were going back to my house. Me and the 2 sheilas leave and head to ours, they said they couldnt be bothered and that they would sort me out in the nearest alley..... Result, until they got my kecks to my ankles they tried to rob my phone and my money, managed to keep hold of everythin though, truth is would have been happy L20 down and got a chew haha closeshaveLAD

The LAD who tried to come back to percy pigs with colin caterpillar... Eric the elephants. MeatshapedsweetLAD

Update from the night before with the boss (reporterLAD). Got to the hotel room and the first thing i did was order some booze to which she was fine with (notPayingLAD) after some rather boring work talk i told her that we need to get busy as i dont want to be late for work tomorrow. To which she immediately stripped of and started playing with herself. In response i switched on some porn and said see if you can copy whats on the screen. She proceeded to do so and I had the best blow job in my life. I ended up banging her for ages (boozeHelpedMyStayingPowerLAD). Left in the middle of the night with a note saying "I presume you are going to need a weekly update" KeepingTheBossHappyLAD

Was doing this bird the other week (7/10) when i put out my back, went to doctor with her and he asks how i did it, after explanation he winks and says to her "guess you're gonna be on top for a while" doctorLAD

I drive a 10 tonne digger for a living, and 3 years on it still isnt boring! LAD

Went to an All-You-Can-Buffet today with my Dad. Turned into a full out "who can eat more" competition. Turns out 8 extra large plates a piece is where they drae the line and limit the amount of dessert. Dad's got it LAD

Can never go to the pub jst 4 a casual beer has 2 turn into a full blowin rip!! LoveshisbeerLAD

When I have a dump in college I like to sit backwards on the toilet in memory of Saved by the Bell. AC Slater LAD.

A mate of mine on a night out on the Toon, with some of the other LADs decided to get truely wasted. They then lost him (shitLADs). We find out the next day that he called a taxi to go back to Huddersfield, to meet a stripper. That morning he woke up next to her, with a huge dent in his bank account, empty sack and a very sore head. He then rang me to rescue him. Poor LAD was very confused. I picked him up. TaxiservicewhennecessaryLAD

Second night of freshers, had sex with a girl. Afterwards, asked for her underwear. She said "are you going to make a collection of underwear for every girl you sleep with?" I said "yes" (truthfulLAD). She gave me her underwear. They are blue and lacey. LAD.

When a bird comes over to my place I always have These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding ready in the cdplayer and hit play as soon as she comes in. Been lucky with every girl I used this on so far. AlthoughHeIsDeadHeIsStillMyWingmanLAD

playing the wingman the other night when out (generousLAD) i got my friend talking to a girl by 'accidentally' spilling a drink on her then my friend offering to buy her another. a while later he tells me shes agreed to go back to the flat but he doesn't have any condoms. not wanting him to look like an unpreparedLAD, i got a taxi home (picking up some tinnies on the way) go into my stash of johnnies and leave some in his drawer. i then sat down, played some fifa while he turned up with the girl and took her upstairs. anythingforaLADLAD

Steve Borthwick, former England rugby captain, missing the Heineken Cup photoshoot to go to the Octoberfest in Munich with his team on a "team-building" mission. RugbyLAD

Ex texts me after break up and says "I'm not going to bother with you anymore. Your not worth it." i proceeded to text back "its You're* not Your. Get it right!" Haven't had a text back yet. cheekygrammerLAD

hit my first 180 today in the pub with my dad. don't think he's ever been so proud. dadLAD

my first history class at uni in america we're introducing ourselves i tell the class i'm english. some shitLAD shouts "we kicked your ass in world war 2" my response was "your not going to do well are you mate" 1-0 me. puttingyanksintheirplaceLAD

rocked up to my mates place (mateLAD) to find him passes out on his lounge floor. I woke him up and noticed there was a bottle of water and a beer next to him. He said he tried to drink some water before he passed out. The bottle hadnt been open and the beer was almost finished. WhoneedsH2oLAD

To everyone on year abroads - use your Uni VPN (google it) and you can watch 4od. TechnologytowatchtheinbetweenersLAD