Got home after my footy team drew the grand final (bad moodLAD) and mum is having a dinner party with family friends! I retire to my room (antisocialLAD) which is only 4-5m from the dining room for a danger wank only for mums lame drunk boyfriend to walk in halfway! Not sure if he caught me or not but i get rid of him and finish in style then sneak to the bathroom to clean up before bed sneakyLAD
Literally just nailed a standard 5/10 at Uni. She had photos of her mates all over wall. Focussed one one 8/10 and didnt look at the bird once. Finished the job over the photo and left. CheersLAD
Simon from inbetweeners, learn your shotgun rules: 'Rule 21. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This law states that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, this person has the right to the seat of their choice.' knowsthelawLAD
Woke up from a heavy session to find my winklepicker in the fridge & a lollipop man's sign planted in the garden. DrunkenAcquirementsLAD
I always eat the whole slice of lemom when doing tequila shot. Getting my 5 a day LAD
Went William Hill on Saturday and had Â£40, went down to Â£18 and went on roulette, went down a bit more and thought *bleep* it I'm feeling lucky and stuck Â£2 on number 14 and it rolled in. Than went on blackjack and left with Â£112. On skybet tonight deposited Â£9.22 from my account and played Cops N Robbers, 15 free spins got me Â£107, went on Roulette, Â£2 spin on 14, number 3 come in, repeat spin and boom 14 comes in. Played around abit and lost some money so stuck Â£12 on number 14 and BOOM it comes in giving me a total balance of Â£454.27. Withdrew all but Â£54 and turned that into Â£104 on Blackjack which I have withdrawn all but Â£24 of. bettingLAD. http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/6879/omgs.png
Been in vegas for 53 hours. New tattoo, grand down, 2 hours kip, turned down asking for a free ride by a hooker. Having a whale of a time LAD
Was freshers week last week at uni. Got drunk and decided to go with flatmates into a strip club. One of them spent Â£196.80 within 45 minutes on one stripper without realising, needed a piss 10 minutes into it and can't even remember anything of it. whataLAD
Got on the bus today, driver started playing ''one love'' on the overhead speaker system. Started driving the bus one handed looking totally zoned out. Reggae bus driving LAD
Had some mates from home visit me at uni. We were in a bar when me and a mate thought it would be funny to piss into a pimms jug. We filled it right to the top and handed it to one of the LADs. He had one wiff, realised it was piss and said "im not drinking that!!" at which point a posh oh rahhh man in his early 30s at another table shouted over "u pussy! Give it here. I will show u how its done" showing off to his other mate and 2 birds who were sat with him. He proceeded to down the whole jug, not knowing that it was piss. We ran for the door! LADS!
Me, my brother, my dad and his partner - who's on the large side - sat at the table eating food. Father made a comment about her eating and she said 'Are you calling me fat?' He innocently replied with a 'no'. After a three-second pause, he blurted 'Porky.' DadLAD!
i'm in the library and feeling the effects of a particularly nasty session involving numerous beers and a dodgy looking kebab... but ill be damned if i'm handing in this work late!! alwayspunctualLAD
Was in oxford earlier, doing a bit of shopping (newfootballbootsandfifa11LAD), when an absolute shitLAD tries to rob an iphone 4 from carphone warehouse. Without even making it 5 metres out the door, a 6ft4" trueLAD comes from nowhere with the loudest headbutt I've ever heard. The pikeyLAD is still out cold when the police arrive 10 mins later. LovingthejusticeLAD.
Bought my girlfriend an iphone so i can check on my fantasy team when we're out. TrueLoveLAD
Out with friends from work and as per usual the night finishes with a kebab (munchiesLADS). With no pulling yet in the evening things are getting desperate, and right on queue an absolutely smashed 4/10 orders some chips next to me. I invite her back to my flat, an offer which she accepts gratefully and before I know it the clothes are coming off. After a half hour of pounding, she proceeds to pass out, and unfortunately I I'm at the point of no return. In a split second of thought I notice the still warm untouched kebab on my desk and simultaneously remember that famous iconic scene from American Pie. I knew what to do. Desperation leads to inspiration LAD
LAD at uni basketball introduction saying how amazing he is etc. coach running the session hears it and invites him out for a quick game of 1 v 1 and proceeds to jump over him while slam dunking the ball. most incredible thing i've ever seen! coachLAD
Despite being a physics teacher I still try to get my quid out of my shopping trolley every time I go to Tesco. EducatedButNeverConvincedLAD
Was in uni last year (EngineeringLAD) sitting in a pretty boring lecture. Someone's mobile goes off to the tune of Flo Rida - Low. Cue the usual heads turning looking to see whose it is, when the flustered lecturer starts rooting in his bag and produces his mobile, Flo Rida at full volume! Needless to say the room which is full of fellow LAD's descends into laughter much to the lecturerâ€™s embarrassment. BootsWithTheFurLAD
Lying in bed watching match of the day with headphones on the othet night so as not to disturb the mrs.... My cat, who i thought was innocently watching with me, bit straight through my headphone wire. Like ron burgundy, i wasnt even mad, i was impressed and gave him a bit of sausage roll, he was well chuffed! NeedsnewheadphoneleadLAD
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