My friend brought his misses a xmas present using her creditcard.... Knows the way forward LAD..
On the Train to the pub with the LADs when a Suit gets on the train talking much too loudly on his phone about work. Sits down, gets off the phone, looks around then takes out a Gameboy colour (British spelling LAD)and starts playing the original pokemon red. NeverjudgeabookbyitscoverLAD
None of the class had done an essay that was due in (6thFormLAD) so we all agreed to convince the teacher that it wasnt due in until later in the week. When he came in he was having none of it and the class got a bollocking, he asked one LAD if he had done the work and he replied "No" and received an bollocking, turned out that he had done all the work but didn't want to let the fellow LADs down on our attempts to fool the teacher, takingonefortheteamLAD
When I play Football I never wear flashy gold/ white/ red boots, just simple Black Boots. LAD
I imagine a LADerator to be sitting in his boxers on a beanbag, mccoys in one hand, beer in the other, deciding which LADs make the cut. NobetterjobintheworldLAD
There was a ginger guy using the self-checkout in Tesco earlier and the machine said "unexpected item in the bagging area". Condoms. WhowashekiddingLAD.
On the way to college monday (ApprenticeLAD) And waiting for my bus. About 10 seagulls flying around scouting for food. One finds some picks it up and flys off, drops it and as the food is falling another swoops down, snatches it about a foot from the floor and flys off without looking back. Thought it deserved some recognition. OutstandingSeagullTekkers and it must have been a LADGULL!
Was knocking one out yesterday on my bed, bit of porn, like we all do. Unfortunately the laptop falls off my bed, screen smashes. NomorepornfailLAD
I was in bed with my cat asleep on my chest when my alarm clock went off this morning. My cat got up, jumped on the dresser and stepped on the snooze button. CatKnowsWhatALADWants. CatLAD
out last weekend with the LADS in the smoking garden area bit feeling cocky i raise my pint which was pretty much full and say quite loudly, who reckons they can down one quicker than me, obviously expecting anyone who accepts the challenge to use their own pint. anyway this LAD who was pretty fuckin trollied snatches my pint and starts chuggin it! so i think to myself well he bloody wants to buy me another one whens hes done, i then noticed his birthday badge and think well in that case he can have it, pat him on the back and wish him happy birthday. LAD
was just told by a pop up with a bow and arrow in it that if could shoot a bullseye i would win an iphone for free. I knew i wouldnt win an iphone, but still nailed it dead centre. RobinHoodLAD
My mate works in a high street shop and always texts me when he has had to ask a milf for L1.69 ( one sixty nine please). Covert offer LAD
Sat around the table with The LADs eating a curry. Starting trying to put the word banter into footballers names, we came up with a few but the best were: Eric Bantona, Rafael Banter Vaart and Bantavich. Untill one steamed LAD shouted out EMILE BANTER. dumbLAD
This weekend we went up to london and in the club i spot this typical wannabe WAG. i get talking to her and guessing she would know fuck all about football i casually drop in that i'm breaking through the ranks at West Ham as a keeper (lyingLAD). she mostly buys it but not completely so she asks some random guy if i really do play for west ham. I manage to give the LAD a cheeky nod and not only does he back me up but he then asks if he can have his photo taken with me. This notch in the bedpost is dedicated to that absolute LAD who deserves an oscar for that performance
blackburn's co-owner is a woman. explains the chaos at the club. girlsknownothingaboutfootballLAD!
Failed my driving test today (shitLAD) but got home to a text from this new zealand girl (8/10) who ive liked for ages asking me to come over to hers. Just got back from riding her. ShitdayscanimproveLAD
I was casually working the tills in the co-op when an Asian man come up to the till with a bottle of lube and some grape. I cheekily asked if he liked grape, and he replies "yes, they feel nice", so I'm like, "oh, dont you eat them?" and he goes, "no, they pleasure me. banzaiiii! feel free to come along with me" in a saucy tone, gives me a cheeky wink and walks off. He reminded me of George Takei. TrueLAD.
Im Doing a degree in comedy at uni Funny/onethedolein3yearsLAD.During my last stand up performance 2 weeks ago i was discussing smoking and how 'all the fit birds smoke'. Decided to test my theory by asking a standard 4/10 girl in the front row if she smoked, luckily for me she replied No. I simply responded with 'I rest my case' and stood truiamphantly to recieve the plaudits to a chorus of laughs and applause. ComedyLAD
On a trip home for christmas from university in The States, I had a lay over at Atlanta airport. Realizing I had 6 hours to play with, I wanted to get slammed before the long flight home. With only $20 in my pocket, I took a bold move and decided i'd try slipping into the first class lounge to get liquored for free before the flight. The receptionists were busy so i slipped by and headed straight to the bar. After an afternoon of ESPN and 8 double Jack and cokes, I was ready for my 9 hour flight home to see 'the boys' for christmas. FIRSTCLASSLIQUOREDLAD
Is there anything worse than having a wank over your sisters fit mate's facebook pictures then a picture of her with your sister comes up and you have to fucking stop otherwise it wouldn't feel right. Fucking annoyed LAD.
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