Out playing a spot of golf earlier LAD and heard a rustle in the bushes. Went over to find my good friend Russel shoving a golf stick up a 9/10. Outdoors,impressive and comicalLAD
I gave a Â£200 jacket to charity today because it turns out Justin Bieber wears the same jacket in one of his videos. imnota14yearoldwannabeLAD
Went to work on a monday morning hungover(grimLAD). Get into the office and start a pre lash for my mates stag. See a client when im out of it. Throw up all over his wife. shouldhavegottothetoiletfirstLAD
One lunchtime at college me and my mates were walking through town, when we hear a shop alarm go off. Next thing i see is a pikey (shitLAD) running from the shop and a load of coppers. when out of nowhere a man floors this kid with a perfect dump tackle... Then stands up and shouts "BOOOOM!" at the top of his voice, turns out he was undercover, policeLAD
Basically went for a few beers with my mate and his flatmates, then got a taxi to a bar, had a drink, got another and left it half-drunk on a table, went to break the seal. Came back and drank the drink.......next thing I know I'm being shot at on this building in the middle of nottingham by terrorists so I have to try and shoot back, dodging the enemy fire. Wallet taken, phone taken and shoes taken....another blackout...I'm telling a guy I'm Jack Bauer and that I need 2 stop a terrorist attack and he cant stop laughing at me.....next thing i know im in a police car getting taken away to the Mansfield mental ward and wake up in this dark room. spikedLAD
In court the other day and the defendant is a German man who doesn't speak English, so the judge asks the gallery if there is anybody who happens to speak German. A man puts his hand up and is invited down to the defendant, swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, the man from the gallery is asked to translate for the lawyer. The lawyer asks him to question what the German man's name is.....he then in his best German accent shouts out "VVVAT IST YOUR NAME?"
To the LAD directing Dick Whittington in the pantomime in Milton Keynes tonight who decided to have all the fit 7/10+ dancers gradually reduce the amount of clothing they wear throughout. And to the little 7 year old dancerLAD who ran across the stage to hold the hand of the 9/10 fairy. LAD
Been flirting with my fit P.E teacher for the last month, after weeks of trading compliments, she asked me "what I was doing this weekend" answering hopefully you was the wrong answer, according to the headteacher exclusion is the only answer miss reading signals LAD
Took my drunk girlfriend back to her house, helped by her best mate, and put her to bed. Turned around to find her best friend, the girl I've had a crush on for years (RomanticLAD), asking if I could take her to bed. So I obliged and we were at it, so much so we didn't here my girl on the stairs. I thought it was all over, but my girl walked over kissed her best mate and told me to carry on. Lucky Luck LAD!
Whilst doing our usual drunken dancing on the dance floor I see my drunkandhornyLAD chatting up some 2/10 with dirty dreadlocks and try to get him away. Having no success I arrange the rest of the LADS behind me and we start to air Lasso him from her. A group of randomLADS on the dance floor pick up what we are doing and join in. DrunkandhornyLAD turns round and walks out the bar in a outrage whilst we cheer. Thanked-me-in-the-morning-LAD
Fair play to a friend of a friend who got royally hammered after the football tuesday night, got himself arrested for feeding his kebab to a police horse. WereallonanightoutLAD
On the way home after a night out I start getting calls from a 7/10 wanting to meet at hers for some fun. Not wanting to miss out on the action, swiftly make my way to hers and get to action as soon as I'm through the door. Nearing the end and feeling dirty I ask if I can give her a facial to which she agrees. Having spent she goes in for a kiss when I reply by giving her a pat on the back saying "cheers for that", quickly dress then high five her as I leave. And-they-say-romance-is-dead-LAD
mate was cracking onto tourist chick in london and he knew it was on but she wanted to see big ben before they go back to his house. big ben was very far away from his house so he took her to the nearest clocktower took a couple of pics and went back to his for some good loving !!! quick thinkingLAD
Me and my UniLADS house share with a great PoshLAD - his dad is a real Lord! - anyway, PoshLAD said he had a free house (feckin massive house) and when we arrive, LordDadLAD was just leaving, with the parting message: "Evening boys, the cider's through there and guns are through there - enjoy" UpperClassBantLADs.
New Years Eve in Vegas and 3 LADs have a VIP table in a club, complete with "table security". "Hi I'm Shaun and I'll be your personal security for the night. If you want any girls to your table I can get them and if you get bored of them I can get rid of them". $40 tip later and he's brought back 7 girls. SecurityLAD
In a music shop and a chinese couple are trying out all the keyboards so no one else can get a look in. I wander about when the couple get up and my mate heads over turns the volume up on one of the keyboards and plays that chinese 'national anthem' everyone knows from school (casualracismLAD) the couple just stare at him and oblivious he then plays the rugrats theme tune until the assistant asks him to stop. PianistLAD
The smug smile on the henry hoovers face as the missus tugs him all over the house.. LAD
After the christmas period and many a drunken night, had enough empty cans and bottles that I filled every recycling bin on the street. EnvironmentalLAD
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